Spoonflipper

Find Your Characters on the D&D Character Alignnment

2012-02-11T13:45:00.000-08:00

Full disclosure, I've never played Dungeons & Dragons. I have, however, seen that awesome episode of Freaks and Geeks and that awesome episode of Community (if you don't know what I'm talking about, go watch both those shows front to back right exactly now; this post isn't that important). But I do know about the Dungeons & Dragons character alignment, mostly due to Chris Hardwick talking about it on The Nerdist podcast. Hardwick kept talking about his favorite alignment, which was "chaotic good." So I googled away, to see what this meant. Basically, it's a way of creating characters for Dungeons & Dragons and other role-playing games. Soon enough I became obsessed with plotting the characters in my novel on the alignment grid.
Let me be clear, I just used this as a basic tool to get a better sense of my characters' traits and personalities. Ideally, the characters you create are deep and complex and might do things outside of their alignment because people do weird thing sometimes.

Sooo, let's take a look at the grid.

Yes, I know it is the most boring JPG in the history of JPGs.

Let's break it down.

Lawful Good: A lawful good character is all about honor and following a code of justice that works to the benefit of the people. A noble knight would be lawful good. When the law conflicts with the lawful good guy's sense of rightness, angst shall ensue.

Examples: Sir Lancelot, Apollo Adama from Battlestar Galactica, almost every character from The West Wing, Riley from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (before he went rogue).

Neutral Good: I think sometimes it's tricky to the tell the difference between a lawful good character and a neutral good. Neutral good characters just want to do the right thing all around. They'll follow the law, but they don't have too much trouble side-stepping it when it goes against their sense of morality.

Examples: Buffy Summers, Luke Skywalker, Spider Man, Captain Kirk

Chaotic Good: Ah, the fun heroes! These are the do-gooding rebels. They do what they think is right with no regard for what the law might be. Screw the law. Reckless but gold-hearted. All about personal freedom. The lovable rogue!

Examples: Captain Mal from Firefly, Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica, Harry Potter*, the Weasley twins, Ferris Beuller, The Doctor from Doctor Who (a madman in a box)

*I would say Harry Potter is chaotic good more than neutral good because the kid really has no regard for rules at all. Who's got time for school rules when you're trying to save the world?

Lawful Neutral: Characters who follow the law without regard for the question of good vs. evil as a means of keeping society organized and peaceful. My chaotic good heart has trouble differentiating lawful neutral from lawful evil.

Examples: Captain Picard, most lawyers on lawyer shows, Cornelius Fudge

True Neutral: Characters motivated completely by self-interest rather than any regard for good or evil. Or characters following a belief in a 'balance' between good and evil and therefore not committed to either. Kind of a weird and interesting alignment.

Examples: Han Solo (in the beginning), Gaius Baltar from Battlestar Galactica, the Observers from Fringe

Chaotic Neutral: Anarchic characters who might do any crazy thing at any time. They might be with the bad guys or they might be with the good guys depending on their whims at any given moment.

Example: Captain Jack Sparrow, Spike* from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Bugs Bunny, Q from Star Trek: The Next Generation
*Definitely chaotic and often evil, but he works with Buffy to save the world from Angelus because he happens to like dog racing, Machester United, and Happy Meals with legs.

Lawful Evil: Order at all costs! Characters who rule through fear. And isn't it easier if you just oppress everybody? Or types who enjoy following orders to do terrible things a little too much. Tyrants and minions. Obey or die!

Example: Darth Vader (obvi), Dolores Umbridge, Big Brother, Admiral Cain from Battlestar Galactica, and, well, Nazis.

Neutral Evil: Not madly evil for evil's sake but not into any oppressive codes. Evil for their own ends. They'll do anything to achieve their purpose.

Example: Lord Voldemort, Glory from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, George Costanza (yep)

Chaotic Evil: Evil madmen! Violence and destruction for no reason at all. They might destroy themselves if it looks like fun.

Examples: The Joker (especially in The Dark Knight), Angelus from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Alex from A Clockwork Orange, and possibly Nicholas Cage if we don't keep an eye on him.

So obviously this is the sort of thing that geek types could argue about all the livelong day (and the types who would are probably lawful neutral). Is Spike chaotic neutral or chaotic evil? Is Lord Sauron lawful evil or neutral evil? I don't know! It's just a tool, people! But it's a fun way to play with character dynamics.

Take every cop movie ever. There's often a chaotic good type of cop (Riggs) partnered up with a lawful good cop (Murtaugh). Can these two opposites find a way to work together? Spoilers: Yes.

I'm no expert. I'm finishing the first draft of a first novel, but I had a lot of fun deciding whereabouts my characters fell on the alignment. My main character is very chaotic good, but her love interest is somewhere between lawful good and neutral good, and he's forced to work with a guy who's lawful evil.

And it doesn't just have to apply to epic fantasy/sci-fi. You can find these dynamics anywhere, especially if there's a system or social structure the characters are working under; a courtroom, a high school, or any workplace at all. Dwight Schrute? Lawful evil!

For a seemingly endless and in-depth analysis of the character alignment go to this TV Tropes page.

If ever anyone wants to debate the alignment of Buffy characters, tweet me @spoonflipper. It would be a joy.

Dancing with Fairies: The Fairy Ring Writing Contest!

2012-02-10T18:56:00.000-08:00

BornThis Way

“I'ma goblin.”

Ifrowned. “Don't say that. I think you're good looking.”

Bennywas average at best. But I liked his shaggy hair and too-big mouth.

Heglanced around the cafeteria and leaned in close, making my heart gohummingbird fast. “I'm serious. I'm a goblin. You knowI'm not lying.”

Thingwas, I did know and it wasn't so shocking. Just this year, threefairies and an ogre had come out. Minnie Patterson and Delia Troywent so far as to go to school in fae form, even when the jocks threwsodas at their wings. I blinked stupidly. What was I supposed tosay? Was he sad? It's not like I cared if he was a goblin.

“Comeon.”

Bennieled me out of the cafeteria and into the janitor's closet. It wasdark and I thought he was going to kiss me, when he turned the lighton.

Ishrieked.

Hewas two feet tall, his nose like a clown horn, his mouth much bigger. And his hair was everywhere.

“Youhate me.” He had Bennie's voice.

Hehad Bennie's eyes too. They were bigger, but I could see his soul;sweet and funny.

Isaid, “Did you hang the principal's car on the flagpole?”

“It'smy goblinness! I must make mischief!”

Icrouched down next to him. “Is this why you didn't ask me to thedance?”

“Yeah.”

Ikissed him. My heart fluttered. Yeah, it was Bennie. When I openedmy eyes, he was human.

Hegrinned. “I should tell you,” he said, “I was raised by an evilsorcerer who kind of wants to take over the school and turn thefreshmen into trolls.”

“It'sokay. I hate my parents too.”

-fin-

Five Sentence Fiction

2012-02-03T21:06:00.000-08:00

5 Sentence Fiction, yo! The word is: Shiver.

So I have no idea how these 5 Sentence Fiction stories keep ending up all spazzy manic but so it goes. I don't like this one as much as the last one but eh, it was fun to write. Obscenities below! The title's probably too cutesy for a short fluffy piece, it came to me just now while watching Archer. What do you want? Sorry for the comma madness. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that sentence #5 miiiiight not be kosher. What do you want.

Walk Down This Street and Smile That to My Face

There's no money it and other thanmaybe a long comment thread on Flickr, there's no fame either (unlessyou're that Banksy guy or the Obama poster guy and then freakin'everybody knows who you are, even old people), but Sacco does itanyway pretty much every night he can manage it and swear to freakin'CHRIST, there is nothing better than finishing off a particularly cool piece on top ofa building, getting away clean, andshivering in the cold night air under the streetlights; you feel like you own Los Angeles!

The only thing that's almost better ishearing back from people about it like “Yo Sacco, is that you onThird Street?” and then, oh holy shit, is that ever sweet.

He lets slip to his ceramics teacher,Miss Marlow, that he's into art and Obey Giant so that she gets thiscrazy excited look in her eyes and brings him a book of this oldwhite-haired dude's pictures that -once he's done looking down hershirt- he gets really interested in and now he's completely obsessed.

What Miss Marlow probably doesn'tfigure is that Sacco decides the old white-haired dude was really on tosomething and it would be cool to do stencils of some big celebrityand then put them everywhere like everywhere, soinstead of everybody watching the celebrity, the celebrity's watchingeverybody else.

Saccopicks Tom Cruise (since everybody knows who he is and the dude iscrazy after all) and once he learns stencils, he puts Tom Cruise allover the city and people are starting to notice, but it's not enough:he recruits two guys, then five guys, then a dozen guys from school,and teaches them stencils, and soon every other street's got a TomCruise peaking at you over his shades; pharmacies, banks (oh,especially banks), bus stops, schools, freeways, empty bookstores,take-out joints, liquor stores, sidewalks, broken down shacks andthen the big cojone;red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple Tom Cruises all along thesubway walls at the Vermont/Sunset stop, but Christ, it's so beautifulthat when they finally drag him off in handcuffs (under the watchfuleye of his buddy's camera phone) he screams to the palm trees andSunset Boulevard and the cayenne peppered fruit carts andMr.Brainwash, “I FUCKING LOVE THIS TOWN!”

2012-01-29T22:20:00.000-08:00

Five Sentence Fiction! The word is: Clandestine. This entry may or may not be grammatically kosher.

Smoke Break

Mario is long unkempt anarchy hair,brown stoner eyes, a fifteen year-old's half mustache, a smatteringof acne on his chin because he leans on it in Biology when he's bored(which is always), his brother's hand-me-down uniform pants; hisbrother being taller, they're too long, so he rolls them up justenough that he steps on the hem to give them a respectable fray.

Clinton ('Clih-EN everyone in this townsays as no one seems able to pronounce an -int) is a buzz-cut redheaded whiteboy and British, and he's even been to Africa on“holiday," and he rolls up packs of cigarettes in his sleevebecause he saw it in a movie and because he thinks it makes himlook like he has better biceps which might also give him theimpression of having a six-pack.

Sister Dorothy (young but vicious andchinless and who can trust anyone with hair from the 70's?) goes onthe war path at lunch time so Mario and Clinton sneak into the ballshed (heh, balls) behind the soccer field for their smoke and it'slucky no one is already in there making out; the place just smellslike sweaty rubber and possibly sex.

They light up Marlboro Reds and laughabout poor ole fat Dave Alvarado's pit stains, Mrs. Abner’s grossthighs, Marley Benjamin's disturbing foot odor, and Mario eventuallymakes half-hearted mention of Sheila Sutter's tits just before hetakes a drag and glances away at deflated footballs while picking ata zit before he thinks of what he's doing, and his hand does a weirdfluttery thing that Clinton notices which alone makes his nakedlyopen Anglo cheeks go red for no reason that he can name.

There's a quiet moment during whichMario sees that his black Chuck Taylor is touching Clinton'ssteel-toe and with exuberant heart hammering and nicotine thrill heedges closer still staring at the floor, not realizing that Clintonhas already taken great notice of how Mario's hair falls over his shystoner eyes just so, and the really great part is that neither canfigure out who made the move when their lips met or how the otherknew to take the chance but both later agree to make underage smokinga regular habit.

Blog Hop Entry

2012-01-27T18:38:00.000-08:00

There was a lightbulb hanging overDaika. She laid her head back on the steel chair and focusedon the glare of white. The pain hit her kneecaps. Excruciating. Itwas as if they could pour it like water over her; gushing and torrid.

“Where's the base?” Mr.Greensaid.

Daika rolled her head to the side andsquinted at Mr.Green in his clover suit. Staring at the light hadclouded her vision and all she saw were spots where his head shouldbe.

“Where's the base?”

“This...” She cleared her throat. They hadn't given her water in a day. “This reminds me...ofsomething...”

Mr.Green said, “Turn it up.”

The pain came again. With authority. Daika grit her teeth and groaned. “Aww... You...” Her headlulled from side to side. “You guys suck.”

She thought she could feel themovement of the ship under her. But that was impossible. You couldnever feel the movement on a ship of this size. She closed her eyesand let herself settle into the agony as she had been taught. It wasalmost a thing of beauty. Feeling good had no flavor. But true painand mortification; there were so many colors! She opened her eyesand saw the light of the bare bulb. No, it was the light of the sun. The sun in Marny Forest. That's what it reminded her of. That lastmorning on earth she had wandered off into the trees and flowers to stare atthe sun. The next day ships landed. No more forests.

“Where's the base?”

“I guess...” She whispered.

Mr.Green leaned in. “Yes?”

“I guess...it's everywhere.” Sheblinked at him. Didn't he understand? It was obvious. But he wasall light spots. “Isn't it?”

2012-01-06T21:59:00.000-08:00

12 Reasons I Don't Want to See War Horse

1. I'm a cat person.

2. Weinstein threw out my 40 page treatment for Peace Horse. I'm still bitter.

3. Saw the play. Thought I was going to see Daniel Radcliffe in Equus. Was very disappointed!

4. Hot to Trot is the only horse-related movie I'll ever need.

5. Sooo not interested in World War I unless Maggie Smith is there tartly quipping.

6. Awaiting a Metallica video in which the horse becomes a blind, deaf, and mute quadraplegic.

7. What the hell did Kristen Stewart do to her face?! Oh...ooooooh. Sorry.

8. I preferred the original title, We Brought a War Horse.

9. Tree of Life RUINED me for movies without symbolic dinosaurs.

10. If I want to see a movie about Britain and a powerful beast, I'll see The Iron Lady.

11. Fassbender's not in it? Then why are we still talking about this? Let's watch Jane Eyre again!

12. I'm still all cried out from Chipwrecked.

2012-01-06T21:13:00.000-08:00

3 Geekiest Quotes of the Week:

"Faster than a bullet! Smaller than a mouse!"

-James Adomian as Huell Howser on subatomic particles in the Large Hadron Collider, Comedy Bang Bang (alright, it was a re-aired clip from an older show)

"They could've been any fracking trees. They could've been Ents for all it mattered."

-Matt Smith (but not that Matt Smith) on the trees of Androzani in the Doctor Who Christmas special, The Doctor's Companion

"Who would sit down and watch a football match?"

-David Tennant on soccer, The Nerdist

5 Podcasts for TV Nerds
All of these awesome shows are available on iTunes or on their websites, if I've included a link.

1. Breaking Good
After every new episode of Breaking Bad, Jim and A.Ron of BaldMove.com discuss the latest misadventures of White and Pinkman with a lot of thoughtful analysis. If you're as obsessed with the show as I am and feeling the hiatus already, it's worth listening to the back episodes. They started this show with the fourth season of Breaking Bad, and they've talked about going back to recap previous seasons. The format is nice and tight; in dept discussion, predictions, predictions with spoilers, listener feedback. Good stuff.

2. Watching Dead
Same guys as above, but it's about Walking Dead! They've said they're thinking about picking up a new show to cover. I hope it's Game of Thrones. Ooh lordy, I hope it's Game of Thrones.

3. The Doctor's Companion
Scott and Matt of Geekshow Entertainment recap and discuss both new (starting with the fifth season) and classic episodes of Doctor Who. I find this especially helpful for getting through classic episodes which can...be...a bit...deliberately...paced. They're a little fanboy about things, but their critiques are solid. They definitely call Moffat on his B.S. when warranted.

4. Previously On
David (of Battleship Pretension, which is a great movie podcast) and Sean go over a variety of shows as well as TV-related news. They end every episode with a more lengthy discussion of a particularly big show (your Breaking Bads, your Homelands). This show can be a little bit tricky to listen to if you aren't interested in whatever show they're discussing, although they're good about avoiding spoilers. But they're thoughtful enough to include a general breakdown by minute/second mark of what they're discussing, so you can skip to the Big Show Discussion if you like.

5. /Filmcast and Reasonable Discussions
This one's a twofer because these shows don't discuss TV all the time. The /Filmcast from /Film is a movie podcast (hence the name) and A.V. Club's Reasonable Discussions discusses (quite reasonably) all manner of pop culture. But at the closing of certain series' seasons, they'll put out episodes of analysis and chat about it. /Filmcast has had good talks about Game of Thrones, The Wire (I dug that one up in the archives and it was very worth it), and Breaking Bad in particular.

What have we learned: It's possible I've had dreams about Bryan Cranston time traveling with Aaron Paul in a fetching ginger wig.

No Kiss Blogfest Entry

2012-01-02T12:42:00.000-08:00

So this is my post for No Kiss Blogfest. It's a scene from a work in progress called The Twenty-seven Jewel Movement. It's YA sci-fi, borderline fantasy, I s'pose.

Here's a quick unofficial synopsis:

There are countless other worlds. Some are just like ours, some are very different.

In the town of Roca Loca, New Mexico, fifteen year-old Jojo Rath just wants to take care of her brother, Elliott, and kill digital zombies online until the pain of her father's death goes away. But when her uncle gives her a mysterious watch, strange things start happening. Why is there a girl in Austin who looks exactly like her? And what is the thread of blue light in the desert that beckons her in the night?

And... here is the No Kiss Blogfest scene:

"Jo,tell me what happened in there." Maron kept glancing at her ashe sped down Route 10. Jojo was hunched in her seat, hugging herknees, staring at the button-eyed voodoo doll hanging in thepick-up's rearview as it swung back and forth.

"Didyou see her?" Jojo said.

"Who?"

"Mymother."

"Yourmother? Like your actual mother?"

Jojoclosed her eyes and saw her mother's face again; a little softer thanshe remembered, a little less lined. Her mother, who had abandonedher, somehow living in a house with a girl identical to Jojo.

"Isaw her. I talked to her. It was her,but just a little different.” Jojo swallowed the lump inher throat. She pulled the sleeves of her hoodie down over herwrists. “I don't understand what's going on."

“Idon't get it. Why would your mom be in Austin?”

“Noneof it makes sense.”

Maronrubbed his eyes and sighed. “I keep wanting to say, maybe you wereseeing things. But if you were, so was I. 'Cause I also saw thegirl who looked exactly like you.”

“Frackthat. She wasme.”She leaned her head against the seat and gazed out at the endlessmiles of desert. “Don't be shy about it. I know you think I'm crazyanyway.”

“Sure,but I always thought you were crazy.” He sneaked a faint smile ather and she rolled her eyes at him, smirking. A jolt of pain shot upher arm and her breath caught. He squeezed her shoulder. "Areyou alright? You don't look so good. Is something wrong with yourarm?"

"No.” It took all her self control not to scream. She bit her lip untilshe thought she might draw blood. “I'm fine. I'll be fine.”

Theywere silent as Maron drove and the radio played Portishead. Jojofelt nauseous and her head was starting to ache. Maron took an exitat Fort Stockton and she looked up, alarmed.

"Wegotta grab some coffee somewhere," Maron said. "I'vedriven like five hundred miles today, my brain is scrambled."

"Okay. Do you think we're gonna get home in time, so you don't get introuble?"

"Nota chance. I just hope they don't ground me through Loca Fest."

Jojodidn't say anything as Maron pulled into the parking lot of a dinernext to a gas station. She hopped out of the truck and her Chuckscrunched on the gravel. Night was coming on and the desert wasgetting cold. She gazed blankly at the retro diamond shaped lettersspelling Restaurant. Roadside diners were so reliable. She clappedher hands to her face when a sob surged into her throat. Maronlocked the truck and trotted to her side.

"I'mso sorry!” She burst out. She pressed her sweat-shirted wristsinto her eyes as if she could shove the tears back inside. It wasembarrassing. She hated crying in front of people, particularlyMaron. Her life was so depressing and weird. She never wanted himto think that she, as a person, was depressing and weird. "I'mso sorry I dragged you into this. You're going to get in trouble andit's all my fault. I'm just going crazy and I don't know what'shappening to me."

Shefelt his hands rest on her shoulders. “Hey... Hey, Jo. Come on,it's okay.”

Sheshook her head like a little girl and he pulled her hands away fromher eyes. Jojo blinked at him until the dark splotches cleared andshe was looking at his mop of disagreeable dark curls and too widemouth.

"Don'tworry about me. So I get grounded, it's no big deal. What'shappening with you, that's a big deal. And I don't know what thisis, but...” He squeezed her hands and Jojo searched his sad browneyes. Maron always seemed happy and easy going enough when he wastalking to other people. When he talked to her lately, he alwayslooked a little sad. “It's gonna be alright.”

Jojocouldn't help but titter at that. “People keep saying that to me. It's going to be alright.” She shrugged and stared down at theirtangled hands. “But it never is.”

“Fairenough. But even if it's not, I'll always be here.” He wrappedhis arms around her and she sighed into the familiar embrace. Hewas tall enough to rest his chin on top of her head. Lanky, tall,dependable Maron with the calloused guitar fingers. He leaned backand smiled down at her. "I'll always be here for you. Okay? You're never getting rid of me, Jo. You'll have to kill me."

Jojogave him a shaky smile. "You're too good a friend, you knowthat? You throw off the curve for everybody else."

Maronbrushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb. They were standingvery close. Just kiss me, she thought. Please kiss me. He gotcloser, just a little closer.

Hewhispered, “Jo...” His lips brushed her forehead and she tippedher head up. A ghost of warm breath touched her lips as he pressedforward. A burst of white hot pain shot up her arm and she gasped,falling back against the truck. The pain was so extreme, shetrembled and held her arm like it was broken.

Maron'seyes were big. He stepped forward and cupped her cheek, all concern. "Seriously, what is wrong with your arm? This has been goingon all day."

"Nothing,"she breathed. She forced a smile. "I fell this morning and Ihave a bruise, that's all." She backed away, trying very hardnot fall down. "I'm just gonna go inside. To the bathroom. Get us a table."

“Jo...”

Shewalked backwards away from him and shrugged. “It's gonna bealright.”

-END!

2012-01-02T01:01:00.000-08:00

As it turns out, the first post of my new blog is for the 3rd Annual No Kiss Blogfest which sounded like too much fun to pass up. I was going to do my first post about my favorite podcasts, but that will have to wait. This is all very last minute. Oh well.
Second post for this brand spanking new blog will be a scene from my work in progress, The Twenty-seven Jewel Movement, and there will be no kissing in it!