Smoke Break
Mario is long unkempt anarchy hair,
brown stoner eyes, a fifteen year-old's half mustache, a smattering
of acne on his chin because he leans on it in Biology when he's bored
(which is always), his brother's hand-me-down uniform pants; his
brother being taller, they're too long, so he rolls them up just
enough that he steps on the hem to give them a respectable fray.
Clinton ('Clih-EN everyone in this town
says as no one seems able to pronounce an -int) is a buzz-cut redheaded white
boy and British, and he's even been to Africa on
“holiday," and he rolls up packs of cigarettes in his sleeve
because he saw it in a movie and because he thinks it makes him
look like he has better biceps which might also give him the
impression of having a six-pack.
Sister Dorothy (young but vicious and
chinless and who can trust anyone with hair from the 70's?) goes on
the war path at lunch time so Mario and Clinton sneak into the ball
shed (heh, balls) behind the soccer field for their smoke and it's
lucky no one is already in there making out; the place just smells
like sweaty rubber and possibly sex.
They light up Marlboro Reds and laugh
about poor ole fat Dave Alvarado's pit stains, Mrs. Abner’s gross
thighs, Marley Benjamin's disturbing foot odor, and Mario eventually
makes half-hearted mention of Sheila Sutter's tits just before he
takes a drag and glances away at deflated footballs while picking at
a zit before he thinks of what he's doing, and his hand does a weird
fluttery thing that Clinton notices which alone makes his nakedly
open Anglo cheeks go red for no reason that he can name.
There's a quiet moment during which
Mario sees that his black Chuck Taylor is touching Clinton's
steel-toe and with exuberant heart hammering and nicotine thrill he
edges closer still staring at the floor, not realizing that Clinton
has already taken great notice of how Mario's hair falls over his shy
stoner eyes just so, and the really great part is that neither can
figure out who made the move when their lips met or how the other
knew to take the chance but both later agree to make underage smoking
a regular habit.
You have single-handedly upped the ante on five-sentence fiction. This is one lovely, exhilarating, wild, kick-ass, delicious dance of a story and I love each and every word of it.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteWow - the longest sentences I have ever seen on #fivesentencefiction, and yet, it works! Damn! :)
ReplyDeleteExcuse my French, but this is fucking awesome!
ReplyDeleteI am in complete agreement with everyone else. This rocks on so many levels. Very nice!!!
ReplyDeleteAww, thanks so much, you guys!
ReplyDeleteReally Erin? How am I supposed to ever write a 5 sentence fiction again with this masterpiece to try and match?! This was amazing! I cannot wait to read more more more of your writing. Well done!
ReplyDelete